i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
