i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
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Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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