Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
