This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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