Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
