hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
