I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There r osticjed everywhere
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
