We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize