Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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