I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
