everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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