i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
