I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
