It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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