Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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