Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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