You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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