is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
