DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
