oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?