I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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