i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Too much gin, very little bucket
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
