Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
