He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
MIDGETS
????
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
