I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
