My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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