Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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