Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
