she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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