I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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