Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
