i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
