Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
