umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
