Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
