i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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