Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
