How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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