FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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