i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize