I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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