you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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