I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
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