I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
