When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
