I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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