You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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