so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
