whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
