So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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