She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
