shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
