If i come over, it means nothing
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
