We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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