I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
