Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The adults are the big ones right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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