I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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