We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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