so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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