U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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