dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
