I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.