no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?