there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
