you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
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He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.