is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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