More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
