someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
