I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
