I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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