nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
