And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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