if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
