woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
