Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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