when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
