too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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