I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
