He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
