My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Still dying that you shit outside
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
