He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
