oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
