how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
