I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
