Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
