Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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